My Immortal
by Emilyrosew
Summary: One-shot using the lyrics from Evanescene's My Immortal. Katniss returns from the Capitol alone after the war, faced with the ghosts of all the ones she loved, the ones she failed to save. Short fic for my first fic back!


_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears_

Katniss sank to the ground, running her fingers through the ashes at her feet. The war was over, won by the rebels, and here she was back in District 12. She had got everything she wanted; the Capitol had fallen, she had gained freedom from Snow and finally flown free of her Mockingjay role.

But at the same time she had lost everything.

District 12 had fallen. Reduced to nothing but ashes in bombing which started in the first few hours of the war. She stood before her old house back in the Seam, which was now nothing but a pile of rubble. Falling from her feet to her knees her body caved in as she choked back a sob. All those she had done this to protect, what good had it done them?

Cinna, tortured for being kind to her. For being her confident, her friend.

Her mother, hidden away in District four forever, refusing to return.

Gale, her best friend, never coming back because… Because… _he had killed her sister_.

Prim. The next name on her list saw the sob she had repressed escape, tears now freshly running down her cheeks. Sweet, innocent, beautiful, Prim. The very person she'd started this whole journey to save, gone forever.

Then there was Peeta…

_And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

Peeta. She hadn't seen him since the day of the final battle. She didn't know if she wanted to. She didn't know how much more her heart could take. Was he even Peeta anymore? The Hijacking had taken so much out of him, not only had they turned him into a weapon against her, but they'd taken the person he had been, the person he still should have been, if he'd never been involved with her…

Even the ones she managed to save from death, she'd failed to save from the bitter life ahead, and she blamed herself, as she dragged herself up from the ruins of her old home, her steps as heavy as her heart.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

Dr Arelius had said it might be good for her, to return to District 12 and accept what had happened in her own right, walk the roads she used to live, before it all. He said it may help her accept what had happened was the fault of something on a much grander scale than herself. But they both knew it was a lie. They both knew she'd been forced back to her old District for the murder of Alma Coin. Just another to add to the list of lives she'd taken, but one of the few she didn't regret.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

She knewthere was no point returning to Victors Village, the only place the bombs hasn't caused total devastation. She knew that's where the other people who had returned with hopes of rebuilding their lives had gathered and she couldn't bear to see the looks on their faces. She couldn't bear to face the world, the world had nothing left to offer her.

Her feet were treading a path her mind didn't even have to calculate. It was as if she was being dragged there by a force she couldn't control._  
_

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

Katniss Everdeen, the girl who had sworn never to let anyone in had been crushed by those she loved. Those she had tried to save. Those she had failed. The warmth of Prim's smile, the glow of Peeta's eyes. The light that had once lit her whole life, now weighed her down.

_Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

Every night she saw their faces again. She saw the light they had once given her, but that light had turned to fire, the fire which burned Prim alive, the fire that had worked into Peeta's veins, changing him from the inside…

She no longer had Prim's bed to slip into in the middle of the night. She no longer had Peeta to lie beside her, his strong arms working around her, his soft voice whispering that it was only a dream…

But now it wasn't.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

Her mother. Crying into her pillow each night after her father's death, as Katniss promised herself she'd take his role. Put food on the table, keep them all alive, and keep them all together.

She hadn't.

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

Prim. Screaming for Katniss not to leave her, to come back alive no matter what. She had promised she'd be back; promised she'd win the Hunger Games for her, protect her always.

She hadn't.

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

Peeta. They'd been through so much together. Two Hunger Games. A Rebellion. They'd promised to protect each other. She'd swore to herself she'd be the one to get him out, even if it meant giving up herself.

She hadn't.

_But you still have  
All of me_

She knew these faces would haunt her forever. She'd never be free of the grief of lost ones, never be free of the pain, and never be free of the guilt. She'd finally reached her destination after what had seemed like hours of walking, lost in thought. The lake her and her father visited so many times glistened out before her, staring out at the peaceful waters she sank to the mossy ground, letting the sound of her sobs echo into the empty air.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along…_


End file.
